Home > Philosophy > QotD: Relationship Deal Breaker

QotD: Relationship Deal Breaker

What’s your “deal breaker” when it comes to relationships?

That’s actually a really deep question that is very difficult to answer if we assume normal conditions. Obviously murder is likely going to be a deal breaker. But dating a murderer would not constitute normal conditions.

Besides the above, the most obvious deal breaker for me would probably be cases in which the other person had some sort of irrational and morally unacceptable prejudice: racism or some sort of hatred toward, say, homosexuals or any people group for that matter that didn’t deserve it (some groups may deserve a sort of hatred…the Nazis perhaps). Of course even these sort of prejudices may not constitute normal conditions. Let’s be honest: there are not many blatantly outspoken racists nowadays and even homosexual haters are not the sort of people I usually run into. I would probably generalize and say that what constitutes a deal breaker for me is if she is simply downright stupid (judged by my standards of course) and/or is the sort of person always complaining about other people or is rude to other people while being completely oblivious to her own shortcomings. I guess I would just break it down to intelligence. Not because other things are unimportant but because if you are intelligent by my lights, you won’t be a bigot or a racist or be one who constantly complains about others, etc.  I should mention that being intelligent by my lights does not presuppose that you agree with me on everything. It presupposes that you have a certain sort of attitude–a certain humility–when it comes to certain issues or to discourse in general (discourse in the very broad sense as in how one treats other people on a day-to-day basis and not merely how one debates with others).

I will just leave it vaguely at that. I don’t wish to construct a clear and organized treatise out of this question. And I’m sure there are other deal breakers, such as not liking Dave Matthews Band or baseball or Family Guy…just kidding….no, actually I’m not….yeah, I am…..no……seriously, I’m kidding…..well, maybe not….yes, of course I’m kidding….but then again….no, for real this time, I’m just jokin around….perhaps…

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  1. 03/25/2009 at 11:54 am

    yeah, see, that's the thing. if your list is too long, it's not possible to find the exact person who fits your list.another thing i've found concerning the issue of liking and not liking things like bands and sports and stuff is that you maybe won't both like all the same things, but you may be able to tollerate and accept the other person's interests. for example, my bf loves cars: fixing them, looking at them, racing them, building them – anything. i'm not that into cars, but i know that it's healthy for him to have a hobby and skill. we have an agreement – he can talk about cars, and be as obsessed as he likes, i'll listen to him and maybe even learn a couple things, but he doesn't expect me to become the expert that he is. i, in turn, don't feel threatened by his hobby, and he feels comfortable to be who he is. in the end, we get things we need from each other in a roundabout way. 'course, i would see my planets aligning if i could get him to go to a theatre show or two, but anyway… i think the point is that you each allow the other to keep their interests and not expect them to conform to yours in every way. i agree about the more moral and ethical values, though. those inform your way of living. i'm still not sure i have a conclusion as to the spiritual aspect. i do know that both views should be compatible in some way, if not in every way.

  2. 03/25/2009 at 8:13 pm

    Heh, of course I was kidding about the sports and music part. 😉 I don't really care so much about mutual interests, at least at that level. That's sort of an added bonus if it happens.And concerning spirituality, if I were in a relationship with a girl that believed in God, I think I would have to resort to saying, "I believe in God too. I see the divine when I look in your eyes." Damn I'm good.

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