Bible In Five Statements

I would like to give a shout-out to Kristen who tagged me. Here’s the task I was given:

Summarize the Bible in five statements (fifteen words).  The first statement – one word long, the second two, the third three, the fourth four and the last five words long. Or possibly you could do this in descending order. Tag five people.

I don’t tag people so ignore that last part.

My first attempt:

Contradictory
Obviously false
Horribly mistaken dogma
Why believe this nonsense?
Seriously, who believes this crap?

I felt something was a bit off however, so I decided to give it another shot. My second attempt:

Diverse
Exceedingly influential
Misunderstood for generations
Historically unreliable, theologically brilliant
Should the canon be closed?